How do I know the will of God in my romantic relationship?
Relationships are fun! It is nice to have someone to lean on and share romantic love with. I believe most of us have at least experienced what it feels like being in a relationship and having someone to love. As fun as they are, as a Christian, it is crucial to take the time to know how to navigate through it with the word of God. Relationships are God’s idea yet; this world has placed its own definition on it. The two definitions do not align and this has caused so much chaos in our lives.
Let us start with the purpose of a relationship from a Christian perspective. Sometimes, re-considering the purpose can untangle and sort out unnecessary complications. When you go shopping, you know what you want to buy, right? You also know why you want to buy that specific product. If you are shopping for groceries, the reason would simply be because you need to eat. You have purpose for doing every small things in your life. Purpose gives everything a meaning! If you are a Christian and in a relationship, it is important to think about the reason for pursuing a relationship. If we don’t focus and remind ourselves of the purpose, it can affect our relationship with the Lord and put us through unnecessary temptations which will distract us from our eternal purpose.
Dating for Christians should be a season of “intentionally” getting to know our potential spouse so that we will evaluate if they are the right person to spend the rest of our lives with. It is a time to observe and evaluate. It is the time to detect potential red flags. It is a time to really pray and seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit to make the right decision of taking it to the next level. It is a time to ask questions to see if our purposes align and will be fulfilled down the road. If you are not ready for marriage anytime soon, it is not ideal for you to get into a relationship because the downside would overweigh the benefits. You would not turn the oven on before you make the cooking ingredients ready, would you?
How do I know if she/he is the right person for me?
If you are tuning in from my previous blog posts, I’ve mentioned the importance of building a strong and deeper relationship with the Lord, before a romantic relationship. Investing the time to know the Lord in singleness helps you to know his will when it is the right time to pursue a relationship. If you are currently pursuing a relationship, here are some important questions to ask yourself to have an idea of where your relationship is standing.
Do you have peace within it? Your relationship may go through hard seasons and miscommunications can get in the way but do you feel the peace of the Holy Spirit in it? Do you see a green light to keep going? Do you feel that tangible peace when you see your future with the person you are dating? The peace of the Holy Spirit is one of the biggest ways God leads his people through life.
“He lets me rest in down green meadows, he leads me beside peaceful streams.” (Psalms 23:2 NLT).
The enemy can bring a counterfeit and try to deceive you but he can never give you peace because he has no peace to offer. Listening to the peace in your heart can help you make the right decisions.
Are you growing in your walk with the Lord while in the relationship? Do you see spiritual fruits coming out of it? The fruits can speak volumes! If you are growing and getting closer to the Lord, you are probably in the right place. If you are slacking, being distracted and feeling distanced from the Lord, it is important to pray and reconsider some of your decisions because God will never give you something that would distance you away from him! Your relationship with anyone should not affect your relationship with the Lord. Everything that is from God protects the safety of your relationship with him. As a Christian, our first priority is the relationship we have with the Lord, right? That is where our whole life stands. If any relationship shakes that ground, we should question, pray and seek counsel because it is shaking the ground that our life is built on.
Can you see yourself in your future marriage being productive with the passion God has placed in your heart? Why would God give you someone who would hinder your growth in the passion he has given you?
Does your relationship acknowledge purity? This has become a rare topic in present time. I have had people looking at me as if I am the weirdest creature in the world talking about it. Here is the deal though, just because everyone is doing it, does not make it right! We don’t follow the trend, we follow Jesus and his words. If he says it, there is power with his commandments to help us live them out. Don’t listen to the negative words of people saying, “There is no one with that mindset these days” or “You are going to remain single with that mentality.” In these situations, you can tell them that your biggest purpose and priority in this life is not getting married, it is honoring God with everything you do! Let me remind you a truth that we often times forget, You will never lose the right person by choosing to honor the Lord with your decisions. You do not as well keep the wrong person by dishonoring the Lord. Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight! (Proverbs 3:5-6)
If you get trapped and fell, God is full of mercy! Repent, learn from your mistakes, get back up and continue the race you have started. As Jesus said to the woman who committed adultery “Sin no more”. We are human, we may fall and God forgives. But God’s mercy should only be used to get us out from the valley of sin not to get into it. There is a consequence for every disobedience.
Do you really love each other? Yes, you may have feelings for them but those feelings will eventually fade out down the road. Do you love each other in action? 1st Corinthians 13 speaks of love and declares that love is not about feelings, it is about actions. Do you see forgiveness in your relationship? Do you see patience and trust? Does your love rejoice with the truth (the Word of God)? Those characteristics are the ones that would sustain your future marriage, not the feelings. It is important to evaluate the relationship from that perspective.
All these may feel a little different to you at first but this is actually the way that God intended it to be.
“Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Walk in the ways of your heart and the sight of your eyes. But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment.” (Ecclesiastes 11:9 ESV)
